5 Things I wish I f&#^$%* knew before I became a parent

We all know that saying that “in the moment your first child is born, your whole life gets flipped upside down and nothing will ever be the same”. Although it holds very true, it is quite obvious to me (now) as a new mom of a ten week old baby, that there are some specific things I wish I knew before I became a parent.

ONE: Labour & delivery bull$%*…

My husband and I have studied and researched labour and delivery for months before the big day, so we were quite comfortable going into the hospital to induce our baby after she was showing no signs of coming out at 41 weeks. To my surprise, I was in labour for 60+ hour, and still ended up having a c-section at the end. We both spend a week in the hospital delivering our little peanut and going through quite a number of procedures before she was born. WHAT I WISH I KNEW is how hard we had to argue with most of the MD’s about procedures that were unnecessary, or medications that they tried to inject into me or the baby for no good reason. The doctors of course want to make sure that nothing happens to you while you are in under their care as they are liable for your wellbeing, but ultimately YOU have to remember that THIS IS YOUR LABOUR. You are the one giving birth and you can choose to say no to any procedure, medication or even the doctor itself. During my experience, I was put through almost every procedure there is to get my baby out. I had 2 different types of drugs administered to try to induce the labour, a ballon inserted into me (after the 4th try) and even the epidural placed into my spine 3 times (because the 1st two were missed). We had medical students watching my week long delivery as it was truly a great lesson for them to see what could potentially go wrong with an induced labour. I do hope they learned a thing or two as I sure did for my next labour & delivery experience.

TWO: The first week of postpartum is ROUGH AS f*&#!

This is a big one, because I truly had no idea that it would be as hard as it was for us. I knew that a c-section recovery would be physically tough but I WISH I KNEW that after being pumped up with various drugs for the surgery, it would be very hard for me to produce milk and essentially I would be “starving” my baby for the first few days making her cry non stop. My poor little angel kept sucking for days and nothing was coming out as I was still recovering. The fact that I wasn’t producing milk and she was crying was stressing me out so much that I didn’t even feel the pain of the incision. I asked to be discharged earlier from the hospital so that I can get more comfortable, start pumping with an electric pump, and just take my baby home in hoped of being able to feed her breastmilk once it came in. My little one lost 16% of her weight within 4 days after delivery. We did give her formula for the first few days after coming home, but once I was able to calm down, milk was slowly coming in and all was well again with the world. I just REALLY wish that someone told me that I (and most) women would be starving their babies for a few days after birth (that is if you exclusively are hoping to breastfeed your little one.

THREE: The good… is real good, but the bad … is REAL bad too...

This is a subject that not enough of us talk about. There is truly no harder job in this world you can sign up for, besides having a kid. There are no do overs, and every day she grows and becomes a different person right in front of your eyes.. so don’t blink! Although that shouldn’t be too hard since I don’t sleep anymore anyways. I guess I WISH I KNEW that I would become a stereotypical mom, with the black leggings, messy hair bun, oversized sweatshirt with breast milk stains, and no make up or cosmetic on me as I am trying to stay as natural as I possibly can for my little one. I WISH I KNEW how hard I would be on my body for not being what it was before. I WISH I KNEW how tough it would be to find a moment of intimacy between me and my husband during the first few months. And I WISH I KNEW how it all would make me feel overwhelmed at certain moments during the first few months.

FOUR: Those mother f&@^#% hormones...

For this one, I must admit that I am quite lucky. Lucky in a sense that all of my extra hormones that circulated in my body, produced tears of pure joy and happiness. I WISH I KNEW that I would cry from joy during the first few weeks simply just by looking at my little girls face. Silly me would turn away from her when she was looking, making sure she doesn’t see my tears (not that she was able to see but just in case). I felt nothing but pure bliss… and complete exhaustion both physically and mentally. But I also WISH I KNEW that it was that extra dosage of hormones that gave my daughter what they call “baby acne” for a few weeks. She was still cute as a button, but we definitely weren’t that social for those first few weeks 🙂

FIVE: Breastfeeding … aka tit torture…

I am still amazed at myself that I didn’t put any though into the process of breastfeeding before giving birth. I was under the impression (like a completely dumb a**) that it’s a natural thing and she will just magically hop onto my boob, and it immediately start squirting milk, and everything would be hunky dory from the start. I WISH I KNEW how hard this s&^% was! Yes indeed, the nurse did grab my little one within the first 15 minutes by the neck and place her on my chest to nibble on (which was such a strange feeling on so many levels), but the process after that moment has been VERY hard. As I mentioned above, first you starve your baby and stress like hell over not producing. Then you produce and leak milk everywhere, waking up with everything around in soaked in your milk juice. While breastfeeding you continuously keep leaving on your baby from the boob that she is not feeding from (because of course you soak through all of the pads and crap you buy to prevent leakage that obviously does not work. Then you realize that even when you are not with your baby but you just think of your baby, you automatically leak. At some point you will simply start leaking when you hear your babies cries.. And then, you will just give up and literally start whipping out your boobs anywhere and in front of anyone (including your parents) simply because you no longer see them as a sexy part of your body but rather your baby’s food source. I truly WISH I KNEW the complexity behind breastfeeding beforehand. Although… I would do it all over again a million times as now only a few months after her delivery we are in some (temporary from what I hear) tranquil period where the breastfeeding is actually enjoyable for both of us. I now call it my “monkey grooming time”.

These are the 5 things I wish I knew before becoming a parent. Please due know that I truly still do not know s&^# about parenthood, but I am sure learning a ton everyday. If any of this is of help to you, please let me know in the comments. If it is not… then stop reading silly!

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